Doing The “Never Before”

I can now share with you what I am doing to change my health situation, but first, a little background to explain why this is so difficult. Aside from the financial ramification of this choice, there is a HUGE faith related reason for my decision.

I have been working since I was 16 years old. Very young, I had aspirations to be successful in business. I have to admit that anything I’ve ever tried, I have succeeded in doing and have done very well. Whether it was pursuing my real estate broker’s license making me the youngest real estate broker in the area at the time, or continuing my education as a first generation college student, graduating summa cum laude (with highest honors) and going on to earn the only master’s degree in my extended family on either side, there was a common thread that ran through all of my ventures–hard work, sacrifice of time and money, and discomfort.

Recently, God has revealed to me that I am not a stranger to hard work, sacrifice of time and money, nor have I avoided a goal because of discomfort. Working two and three jobs to pay my way through college, which required me to stay up all hours of the night completing homework assignments was pretty uncomfortable. It was definitely hard work and a sacrifice of time, and if you’ve ever paid for a college degree, you know it is definitely a sacrifice of money. He reminded me that there is NO door that He opens for me that He would not fully equip me to handle, so here comes the big GULP and deep SIGH of faith. You know the one that happens just before you step out onto a visual cliff. I can turn tail and run, or I can JUMP, so I…..JUMPED!

resignation-letterEffective yesterday morning, I resigned from my job. As I typed that, I felt like I was going to vomit for a millisecond. Yeah, that’s the feeling of stepping out of faith. It gets down in the pit of your stomach. It’s that feeling you get when you drive over a bump in the road too fast and leave your stomach at the top of the bump. Can you see the connection between my decision and my goal yet? Maybe not, so let me continue in just how this is going to play out.

During all of that time that I invested in business and education, I made some really negative health decisions. I stayed up WAY too late depriving myself of sleep causing a huge back log that I’ll likely never recover from. Being up all hours of the day and night, I had no rules for when to eat. I would eat when I was hungry, sleepy, bored, emotional because food was the quickest way to deal, and it could conform to any situation like driving, studying, etc. Food is easily accessible and very mobile, making it easily abused and misused. Needless to say, years of my focus being on my brain, my body suffered.

For at least the next 12 months, I will be a full-time student of good nutrition, health and fitness. No, I am not enrolling in a class for it. At least not right now. I will be attending the school of hard knocks. I am going to be giving my body, mind, and spirit a full-time job. It won’t pay monetarily. Financially, I will have to completely trust God (something I must admit I’ve NEVER done before). I feel wholeheartedly that God has led me to this place. He and I have stood at the door, and He said, “It’s ok. Go on in.” Faith is acting on something that you hope for–knowing that your action will not be in vain even though you can’t see the result (and you can’t see God).

It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. It’s like that zip line 200 ft up in the air that I would never in a million years ride down. It is like descending to 70 ft below water and taking a breath and your scuba oxygen being there for you to enjoy God’s creation at the bottom of a spring–I have done that! Yes, I know what it feels like. I have been a good student. I have been an excellent employee. I have ALL the skills necessary to be able to succeed in this goal, and I WILL DO IT by the grace of God.

So if you know me personally (or if you don’t), please think of the most terrifying thing you’ve ever attempted to do, and add to it you just left your financial security to pursue doing it, and please give me a shout of support. If you see me around town walking, working out, buying groceries, on FB, Twitter, or WordPress, stop and say hello. If you want to make the same leap of faith, hey, JUMP! The water is just fine!! You won’t be alone. Give me a shout and let’s continue on this journey together. This time next year we will reveal the great work that God has done in us.

Thank you God for your faithfulness and provision. I pray that all that I do will do nothing more but glorify you!

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I’m Getting Real – Author Photo

 

Just a bad photo or really me?

Just a bad photo or really me?

Some may question why I chose the photo of myself for the blog. Surely there’s a better photo than that. True. I’m sure there is [this isn’t my best side], but in this moment, this photographer saw me THIS WAY. I can only imagine that others saw me the same way. We can’t really know that to be certain. Only those who saw me this night would be able to say. I choose it as my reality photo [but maybe that’s not fair. There is just bad photography but I don’t want to be in denial if it’s really me]. I’m sure there could be opportunities for worse (if you were a fly on the wall in my house), but wouldn’t that be true of everyone.

Well, this isn’t about everyone else. This battle is mine, and I want to improve this woman. The only part I want to improve is the body part [and of course any wrong thinking and behavior that allowed me to get here]. Smaller. Healthier. Not for the photographer and not for the others who saw me that night, but FOR ME.

My friend Crystal is going to stroke when she reads this, but look, I’m just getting real here. It doesn’t help me to deny what is so, but at the same time, I am not speaking this into being. I am calling a spade a spade and doing something about that. I don’t want to look like a blob. Wow Margie, that sounds awfully negative. Well my dears, that is the reality of my perception of this photo. There’s no definition to my body, and [negative thinking will not help me get there! This is how I felt in the moment that I was writing this post, but reading it now, I can give this woman (mother of an almost 2 year old at the time of this photo) a break. Yes,] I want there to be definition [in my body, and after this post edit, I want there to be definition in my heart and mind as well]. Only I can do something about that.

This isn’t something I feel bad about. I don’t sit around and cry about it. I have cried about the things I feel brought me to this point. My degree is in psychology, so I am the queen of psychoanalyzing myself. For me, that’s good. I have changed SO MUCH over the past 5 years or so. I’m talking about those things that get stuck in your memory and haunt you. I’m talking about that negative self-talk that so many of us do. I’m still guilty from time to time [as you see from the strike out above].

Through working on these things, I have reached the point where I do love what God has given me (even in its current condition), and I have so much to be thankful for. Now, I want to take care of it the way I know I should. I want to show respect to God for all that He’s given me. There are obstacles that try to trip me up on this one, but just as all of the other issues, I will get there. Thank you for joining me on my journey.

This is a selfie of me.

This is a selfie of me.