A Creepy Realization…

I told you in my first post that I am going to be very transparent in my posts, so let’s get personal!

There are certain things that I just cannot stand feeling. One of those things is when I have gained so much that a fat roll touches other fat! If you’re overweight and have these “rolls,” you know what I mean. There’s a crease in the skin and eventually the roll grows enough that it reaches beyond the crease to touch the skin above or below it. EWWWWWWWWWWW! I can’t stand it! I have to say that this could very well be why I am not any heavier than I am now. It could be one of the things that moves me to action.

As if that wasn’t creepy enough, I was taking a shower, and I have a creepy and heart-wrenching realization. Grant it my shower is narrow but that fact doesn’t help my mind. I started washing my hair and my arms touched each side of the shower. I do this thing…it’s a silly measurement thing. I stand in the shower with my hands next to me (open, thumb at my side and pinkies to the wall) to see how much room I have before they would touch each side. I was almost in tears with the realization that there is nearly no room left. If I continue to gain, my hands will touch each side.

As a fat person, I have all kinds of ways to measure myself against others. You may do some of these, too. When my husband is driving, I notice how far his belly is from the steering wheel, and when I drive later and my belly almost touches it, I’m saddened. When I am sitting in a doctor’s waiting room chair, and I look around at everyone else and see someone who hangs over each side, I catch myself feeling each side of the chair to see how far I am hanging off.

The realization that you are FAT is a hard one to make. Used to, I would avoid that word. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it, but I have come to grips with the fact that not saying the word doesn’t make me any less fat. Not getting on a scale doesn’t keep me from gaining weight. Squeezing my behind in jeans a size too small doesn’t mean that I am truly that size.

Reality. It is necessary to accept reality in order to be honest with yourself and move on to do something about it. I started my journey by creating this blog and the FB page. You may be starting your journey by following mine. Whatever helps you is what you need to do.

As for me, I will keep measuring myself in these crazy ways. One day, my fat won’t hang off a chair, and my hands won’t even be close to touching the walls of my shower. My belly will be a safe distance away from the steering wheel, and there will be no rolls to touch one another. šŸ™‚ When I get to that point, I will keep on going. I want to be healthy. Fit. Not just so/so fit, but seriously fit. I know that giving up my current lifestyle of ease will be hard to adjust to, but I believe I can do it! You can, too!

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